Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
