went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
