how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
