i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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