so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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