Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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