Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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