Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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