Your dad touched me again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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