I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
