hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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