Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
