Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
then he tried to convert me to islam
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
