Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
