The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
