just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
