i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize