She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can text with my tongue
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
