He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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