i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
