She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
