it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
