There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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