...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
