One girl and one boy is just not enough.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
