Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
