so explain again why im purple
no
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
