hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize