Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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