Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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