Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
