when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm both gender and math confused
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
