I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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