So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
