There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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