you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
