i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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