He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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