Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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