Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
