They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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