my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
