Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
