I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
