My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
