So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
