If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
