I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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