break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
