you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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