the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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