The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We just shotgunned beers for America
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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