My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
