I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
