One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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