Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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