I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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