I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
