youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
