idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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