so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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