What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
