My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
