Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
