I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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