And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
