Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
