just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
