I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
