watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
