A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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